Why you aren't following through on what you want and what to do about it.
Download MP3Hello, everyone. This is Mike, and you're listening to the J. Mike Fields podcast. Today, I wanted to talk about why you're not following through and then some things that you can do about that that will help you follow through on the actions that you're wanting to achieve and goals you're wanting to achieve. So let's start off with some simple things with that.
Speaker 1:So the first reason may be you're not clear on what you want. And, yes, that can be that you haven't set goals and written things down and those type of things. But it's also, are you feeling a little bit spaced out or a little bit, antsy about things? As in, do you have Peter Pan Syndrome? Are you do you want to do so many things that you're not buckling down and finishing one?
Speaker 1:And a lot of times, and I'm gonna talk about this later in the podcast, a lot of the times that can be an avoidance tactic. So it's trying to protect us from moving forward in our life and doing the things that we actually want to do and desire to do. Is just scared out of safety. And, our body kinda tells us something different than our intellectual mind is telling us to do. So if you haven't clarified what you want to do, write those things down and and make sure that's something that you want to do.
Speaker 1:Make sure it's you're not living your life for somebody else. And I know that sounds really basic, but a lot of times people don't take time to examine their beliefs, and what they actually want to do versus what people have told them to do their whole life. So sometimes when you hear a voice in your head and it and it tells you you should be doing something, that's not your voice. That could be a voice from your past or a thought that's not actually yours. So that's why it's important to, challenge those thoughts and then be aware of what you're thinking and be the observer of your thoughts and and don't get, consumed by them.
Speaker 1:Don't become them. Because eventually, if if you think a thought enough think about it this way. If you think a thought enough, the pathways are strengthened, right, in your brain. You're sending those neurons, you're firing them, your body's getting used to it, whatever. Eventually, that becomes an entity, and that entity becomes a belief.
Speaker 1:So it becomes unconscious. You don't have to think that thought anymore for your body and mind to believe that about yourself whether it's true or not. That's why it's so important to be careful what you watch on TV, what you're allowing yourself to flood into your life, what opinion you're you're allowing to to lock in. So next time you you go listen to something that you disagree with. So even if it's about politics, go listen to a side that you don't agree with.
Speaker 1:If you're in the middle, pick one. And try to listen to it without emotionally reacting. Try to observe what the person is saying and understand where they're coming from. And this is a good tool to use, so you won't will not be manipulated when you, when you go into a meeting or when you watch a movie or or when you're watching a political show or or those type of things, you can start to think critically and think for yourself. I think it's so important that we teach people these skills.
Speaker 1:It's almost like we're teaching them what they should know instead of how to think for themselves and I think that's dangerous. I think the only way to to strengthen a society is to strengthen an individual and it's it's strange because I think that is part of the foundation of psychology. You'll notice that you wanna strengthen the individual and that unless they do the work, there are no real significant changes made. So if they do, like, group work and those type of things, once they're out of that situation, it's easier for them to fall back into their old ways. But if they made the decision and they chose to move their life forward, you can see a big difference, in it in how long it lasts and how long those changes seem to stay around.
Speaker 1:So I think that is really important. And if you if you don't know how to write goals, it's important to to set long term goals for sure, but also set short term goals. So I would have a a five year plan. So, you know, write first, what am I wanting to accomplish in five years? And then you need to break it down to three years, and then one year, and then six months, three months, three weeks, one week.
Speaker 1:So have small goals that you wanna accomplish and hit so you know that you're headed the right direction. And I believe this is true. I believe this is true. Check me if it's not. When you start to accomplish goals, we start to release more serotonin.
Speaker 1:We start to feel good about ourselves, and it drives us to move forward. So having those little bitty goals in place instead of this huge long term goal that, you know, you're gonna eventually hit is is a lot better for your system and also for your, I guess, self esteem or confidence that you're moving forward. And it's a good marketer to be like, hey. I'm heading in the right direction. And if you don't hit those, well, maybe you should change course or maybe you should just change the way you're approaching that direction.
Speaker 1:So set some goals. Make sure you break those goals down. Make sure you clarify and I mean, really in detail, you wanna describe exactly what you want in your life. Don't be vague about it. I mean, down to the type of house that you wanna own, the type of person that you wanna be, the emotions that you wanna experience on a daily basis.
Speaker 1:If you want to have a garage, what kind of car you wanna drive, what kind of person you wanna be with, if you wanna have kids, if you wanna have dogs, cats, any type of animals. And it may sound silly, but when you start to write and design that life, it starts to come alive for you, and there's a internal motivation. You don't have to get up and be like, oh, well, I gotta motivate myself. You start to have an internal drive that kinda moves you forward, automatically, which is pretty cool. The second one I wanna talk about, let's talk about that self sabotage when we move back into safety.
Speaker 1:So have you ever noticed that sometimes when you start to move forward with an action, that you've been putting off, and let's say you even accomplished it, and you feel good about yourself, and then the next day, you completely destroy it. You go let's say you're on a nutrition plan and, you're trying to eat better. So you follow it great that first day, and you're like, man, I can't this is awesome. Like, I followed through, and and I feel good about myself. And then the next day, you just completely destroy it, and you don't even know why.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you were unconscious and didn't even think about it. Well, sometimes the hell that we're in, it feels safer than a hell that could be, if that makes sense. So it's almost as if our mind understands, like, it doesn't have a conscience, so it's not like, oh, this is good or bad for us. It just does what we tell it to do. So if our nervous system is conditioned to feel unsafe in certain situations or unsafe moving forward and creating changes, it's gonna do everything in its power to stop us.
Speaker 1:So even if you intellectually know or your mind critical mind knows or just, you know, your normal thoughts know that I know I can do this and move forward, your body tells you much different. And some a lot of times, that's because you've proven that in the past about yourself. So be aware of self sabotage, and and know that that's typically there is some type of belief that's in conflict with your conscious mind. So remember we talked about those beliefs can be can be can become entities. So they're unconscious, so we need to go and examine them.
Speaker 1:What do I truly believe about myself? And that's when we start to get, we learn to be honest with ourselves, and we'll talk about that kinda later in a little bit. So that moves us on to our beliefs about ourselves don't match our world. So let's say that you're wanting to start a business and you go to start it and you start to sabotage things and you can't figure out why. You feel like you read all the right books, you're talking to all the right people, and things are actually going pretty well for you, and then you just throw it all in the trash.
Speaker 1:You can't figure it out. Well, it's time to examine some of those beliefs. What if you have a belief about yourself that that you can't finish anything? I just can't finish anything. And you say it out loud and you tell people this all the time and and you start to believe it yourself because remember those thoughts becomes words, they become actions, and they become entities.
Speaker 1:So if you believe you can't finish anything, well, of course, your body's gonna believe that and your nervous system's gonna react in that manner. Oh, man. This person's getting close to finishing. We better go ahead and sabotage them. And it sounds funny when I say that, but that's exactly how it works.
Speaker 1:So be mindful of your beliefs. Examine your beliefs. They can like I said, sometimes when you go through a shock period or, kind of like even we're in this mess right now, we've got a lot of things going on in The US. When you feel kind of out of control, your your subconscious and and that unconscious mind is kind of open because it's in it's in a scared, frightened state. So be careful what you let in.
Speaker 1:Be careful what you watch. Be careful who you talk to. Be careful what you tell yourself, Because before you know it, we can create these beliefs and entities that we never wanted to have. And I used to do this with a, a cognitive therapist, and I I thought it was great. So he would always tell me or ask me to describe if I figured out a limiting belief, he would ask me to describe it as if it were a person.
Speaker 1:So he would ask, what does it look like? And, let's go. I used to have a belief that I had to be perfect about things and and, obviously, like, I I mess up on podcast. I mess up in daily life. I mess up in coaching, and and I don't believe that anymore.
Speaker 1:And it's great. It frees you, but at the time, it was keeping me stuck and keeping me from following through on things. So he would ask, what does it look like to you if it was standing or sitting beside you? So I would describe it as, is it the Death Eaters, I think, off Harry Potter? It just seemed evil to me.
Speaker 1:Like, it almost didn't have a face, and and it was, like, whispering things. And then, of course, it would ask, what does it say to you? And it would say things like, don't even try because you're gonna mess up. So don't even attempt it. You've you messed up before.
Speaker 1:You You know, you're not any good at this stuff, so I don't even know why you try anyway. And then the last question, which which really helped me, you would ask now, does that sound like somebody that's your friend or that wants the best for you? And it kinda shocked me there for a minute because absolutely not. That that belief that I have to be perfect, it is not my friend, and it is my enemy, and it is telling me evil and vile things. But the key there was to to know that either I unconsciously let that in or my thoughts over time created that.
Speaker 1:So if I help create that, then I could help take it away. So not that we need to push and be like, get out of here and get out of my head. That's not gonna work. That just makes it worse. We need to create a new belief.
Speaker 1:So one way to do that is to think, if I keep this belief, what is my life gonna look like in five years? And I would say if I kept the belief that I had to be perfect, that nothing would have changed, and and I would be miserable because I would still be putting forth effort to achieve the things that I wanted in life, but I wouldn't be moving forward at all. I would probably be alone. I probably wouldn't have very many friends. I probably would be, emotionally, I mean, messed up.
Speaker 1:I mean, depressed, anxious. And fighting for my life, honestly, if I'm not moving forward and progressing as a human, as a man, I couldn't take it. You know? I I don't know what I would do. So it got me in a real place of I mean, if you think about saying those things out loud, even me saying it now, it gets you in a place of of despair and disgust, and and you start to almost bridge on the point of self hatred.
Speaker 1:So but that's how you break out of that. So so we're gonna stop thinking about that. And then let's think, what if I put in a new belief in place? What if I said that I'm gonna do my best? And I know I'm gonna mess up, but I'm gonna do my best.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna be excellent in things that I do. What does that voice sound like, and what does that person look like sitting next to you? Well, that seems like, you know, a friend. Like, that seems like somebody that says, hey, man. You hey.
Speaker 1:It's alright. You know, you messed up, but look at all the things that you've done and and the good things and and where you haven't messed up. And and even though you messed up today, like, let let's go on to this next moment. We're gonna do better this next time. Remember, we're just gonna do our best.
Speaker 1:We said that we're gonna mess up. It's okay if you do. Now that sounds like a friend to me. And what if I took that entity belief and those thoughts and that belief system with me for five years? What would my life look like in five years?
Speaker 1:Well, I can tell you right now this is what my life looks like in five years. It looks like exactly how I wanted it to look because it was around five years ago that I did this. So I am a testament to what the power of beliefs are and what asking someone for help is. So I I've hired a business coach. You know, I've been to therapy before, and it's never about weaknesses.
Speaker 1:Right? So we may go in and we feel like we've got some things messed up in our life, but it's the study and the progressing of our strengths too. Right? So so don't ever think you're weak asking for help. If you need a coach, a therapist, a life coach, a business coach, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:It just shows that you are willing to tell yourself the truth and you're willing to grow. And to me, that that's brave. You know? Man, woman, whatever. You know?
Speaker 1:If if you do that, that's bravery to me. And I think that, you'll appreciate yourself for it too as well. So let's move on to the next point, and this is a critical one, one I I work on with a lot of clients and definitely one that I worked on with myself. We don't trust ourselves. Our hearts and our mind aren't synced together, and that's really important.
Speaker 1:Let me give an example of that. So you go out to do something, and we talked about the sabotage. You know how you just get that feeling that you should no. Like, I can't do this, or you get, like, almost scared or panicky, or it just doesn't feel right, and and then you don't do it. Your heart and your mind are in conflict.
Speaker 1:And in psychology and then, like, metaphysical stories and things of this nature, they describe the the heart, the nervous system, as the inner child. And the reason they do that is sometimes we get stuck at a certain age with our body because of trauma or situations that happened, and and they're they know now that, trauma doesn't have to be some big huge deal that happened. It can literally be, you weren't emotionally supported by a parent. And I'm not saying it is not your parents' fault. Parents could be perfect, and you're still gonna choose the perception that you have of them.
Speaker 1:And so a lot of times as as a child, it's unconscious. There's a quote, and I can't remember who said it. If I can find it, I'll link it to make sure that they get credit for it. But we are not responsible for the programming that we received in childhood. But as an adult, we are 100% responsible for fixing it.
Speaker 1:So, you know, don't fall into that game of self blame and shame. You couldn't help when you were a child. We were absorbing everything. It's how we were learning our world, and we couldn't always control our environment. But once when we become conscious of it, if we know it, then that's our responsibility, to move forward and to change those things.
Speaker 1:So if we don't trust ourselves, it becomes really dangerous. Because think about think about if, if you have a child and you tell them that you're gonna do something. You know, if we do this, then we're gonna go to the park after. And then you don't do either, and that child's like, well, well, why didn't you do that? And we're not gonna go to the park, and you're like, no.
Speaker 1:We're not going. What do you think is gonna happen over time? That child's not gonna believe a word that you say. That is the same thing with our inner child. If you your intellectual mind says that we're gonna do something and you don't do it, you don't trust yourself.
Speaker 1:You don't trust yourself when you say something, and your body knows it. So let's I wanna do a full podcast on that point, but let's talk a little bit about how you can change that. So start as small as you can. And, I got this from Jordan Peterson, and he says, you know, start super small. I mean, do pick up something that you can carry.
Speaker 1:Pick up something that you know that you're you can trust yourself to do and do it. And And by the way, I don't care if it's just getting out of bed. If you commit to getting out of bed for a week and that's all the strength that you can muster right now, then that's enough, and you've done enough. It's those little bitty steps of learning to trust yourself again that are important. And you're gonna notice when you do this, your mind will say something like, let's say you have a perfectionist belief, and it's like, well, that's just you're not even doing anything.
Speaker 1:You're not gonna move forward. There's no progress in that. Remember those entities. Remember to go back and look and examine beliefs that may be stopping you from moving forward in those areas. So start small.
Speaker 1:Do one little get out of bed. And maybe the next week that you were able to get out of bed, maybe you start to make your bed. And then the next week, maybe you start to lay out your clothes the night before so you don't feel like you have to make so many decisions in the morning. And maybe the next week, you go to the gym once. And maybe the next week, you go to the gym twice.
Speaker 1:Do you see where I'm going? So when you start telling yourself that you're gonna do something, and then your body sees that you did it, it's like, hey. Like, I I'm starting to trust this person. And and by the way, when you do that so there's another description psychologists use and Jordan Peterson has used. If you accomplish something, even if it's something super small, like, go do something for yourself.
Speaker 1:Like, negotiate with yourself, contend with yourself. So if you if you make your bed, you know, the whole week to be like, well, I'm gonna go get some coffee. Like, we're gonna get some coffee now. And when you start to get into things more difficult, like, you're gonna sit down and examine your belief system and start to look at those things, because those things are very uncomfortable, and your body's gonna resist that. It's gonna wanna go do anything but to sit still and actually examine your beliefs and and the things that are going wrong in your life.
Speaker 1:So let's say that you're negotiating with your inner child. Right? So we're gonna do this for five minutes, and I'm not gonna promise I'm gonna be perfect at it. It's gonna be uncomfortable for me, but I'm gonna tell you what. You know, I'm gonna do my best, and we're gonna do it for five minutes.
Speaker 1:And if we do, we're gonna go play disc golf. I like playing disc golf, so I'm gonna use that as an example. And so I do it for five minutes. It wasn't perfect, but I let myself express some emotions, and I examined, and I found one belief that may have been stopping me. And I didn't even try to fix it.
Speaker 1:I just found it. I wrote it down. I'm like, okay. We're gonna go play disc golf now. Look what you're doing.
Speaker 1:You're teaching your body and that inner child that you are able to say what you want, and then you do it. And then you go give yourself a reward for that. And that's how you sync the heart and the mind back together. That's one way to do it, and that is super important. I think that's one of the the biggest things that people struggle with when they're not following through is to make sure that they begin to trust themselves again and then look at those beliefs to make sure you're not sabotaging yourself.
Speaker 1:So let's I had to do this real quick. I know I'm talking fast. I've got something I've got to do here in a minute, but I wanted to record something really quick. This is on my heart. Let's go back and look at the things that stop you from following through and then go over again really quickly what you can do about it.
Speaker 1:So if you aren't clear on what you want, we need to make sure that you clarify that, set some goals long term and then short term. And when you hit those, make sure you celebrate those successes, and it should build that serotonin boost to help you move forward. So the second one is we self sabotage back into safety. Make sure that we look and examine why we think we may be self sabotaging. Maybe we're it's out of fear or out of safety.
Speaker 1:We don't we fear the unknown, and our thoughts are telling us things that aren't true. Three, we need to examine our belief system and make sure they match our worldview, make sure the heart and the mind are starting to sync together. And the way that we do that is, like we said, go through and examine, and we did an example of one way to change a belief, and that's to associate a negative feeling, to the old belief, and then associate a positive feeling to the new beliefs. Number four, you know, we don't trust ourselves. Our heart and our minds aren't synced, and I think that's a huge one.
Speaker 1:I think if you even start there, you may not even have to go through the other ones. It's important or they'll or they'll make things obvious to you. It's important to make sure the heart and the mind are synced. So when you feel uncomfortable, when you feel, when you feel maybe alone or afraid or or you feel like you need to go do something and you're just super restless, sit with those emotions for a minute as long as you feel safe to do that. And don't dive into those emotions, but try to be maybe 50% in and be aware of what you're feeling.
Speaker 1:And ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? And what is what do I think is causing this? And a lot of times, you'll get an answer back. If if you feel safe enough to do this I would suggest doing this with a therapist, but if you feel safe enough to do this, let yourself feel those uncomfortable emotions just for thirty seconds and kinda let your nervous system vent those out. And once they pass, what you're doing, you're teaching your nervous system that you can handle those emotions.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we hold stored emotions and, energy in our body because we weren't able to process them. Maybe when we were a child or we had a a moment that was shocking for us as an adult, so we just kinda numb that and pushed it in the back of our heads. If we can sit still with those emotions and let ourselves feel and express those emotions in a safe place that you feel safe in, if you feel safe doing it with a therapist or with somebody else, make sure that you do that. I don't want you to do anything that you feel unsafe to do. Feel those emotions, and then you'll notice that you may feel a little tired after, your body and mind's kinda like, okay.
Speaker 1:That's enough, and let's go let's go take some rest. But you'll notice that you'll start to be less fidgety, and you'll start to be less chaotic, and and you'll start to be more clear in your thought, and you'll start to feel better about yourself. And that's because you're beginning to trust yourself, and you're letting that, inner child connect with you again. And when the heart and the mind sync, I'm gonna tell you, there's no better feeling, and There's nothing that you can't accomplish. Because when those things are together, and I call it that, it's self acceptance.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter what's happened in your life that that you accept who you are. And when you accept who you are, you can change. And when you can change, your life starts to flow. It's almost like you don't even have to think about what you want.
Speaker 1:Your heart knows what you want. So I think that's so cool. I don't think it's super important and and for people to know if they don't know and that that they can do it. It's just starting small and getting it done. I'm gonna end right there.
Speaker 1:I hope this helps somebody. If it helps one person, that's great. If it did, you know, shoot me a message at, mike@jmikefields.com. Or if you have suggestions about things that you'd like for me to talk about, just shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:Hope you guys have a great rest of the week, and I look forward to talking with you again soon. Bye.
